Salmon-Faced Salmond’s Crackpot Plans
Braveheart . . . the mighty martyr for all the desires and dreams of generations of oppressed and enslaved Scots, a shining beacon of hope, a symbol of the immortality of Scottish nationalism . . . our hero.
William Wallace, before Mel Gibson (who is, let’s remind ourselves, a Yankee) made the factually inaccurate film in 1995, was a symbol for the unification of Great Britain, a unionist hero. His victories, his sacrifices, all the blood that was spilt forming this great nation, it was hailed as something that brought us together. One of the speeches given at the opening of the Wallace Monument read, ‘It has given union, strength, and happiness to the whole British Empire; for, by preventing the subjugation by force, it has left room for the union by inclination.’
Think of all the lost lives, the centuries of hatred and prejudices that were overcome, do we really want all that to have been for nothing?
It is an absolutely inarguable fact that independence is economically unviable and will lead to Scotland’s utter economic collapse. But first, I would like you to consider your national identity, what it means to be British. Scotland was the beating heart of the British Empire at its zenith throughout the 19th century: Glasgow was the engine of the great machine. We grew up together, went to school together, fought and died alongside each other, married each other, battled through all the highs and lows of the last three hundred years together, and are now one of the most influential and powerful nations on the planet.
If Scotland becomes independent, all of that will be shattered. Who is going to give a tiny rat’s ass about a tiny, newborn country of barely six million people ‘somewhere in Europe’? For one thing, the armed forces will be torn apart. What will happen to the iconic Scot’s Guards? The Black Watch? We will no longer be part of the ceremony on Remembrance Sunday. And what about sport? Think about that feeling when Mo Farah crossed the line first in the 10,000m in the 2012 Olympics? When Hoy won the men’s keirin? When Jessica Ennis won the heptathlon? When Andy Murray had that gold medal lowered over his head, and the British flag rose up behind him. That sense of pride is insurmountable.
Just look at the British flag.
Millions died for that flag. You would be disgracing their memory by shattering everything they gave their lives for.
But if you are still naive enough to think salmon-faced Salmond should destroy our lives, then let us turn to the political and economic arguments. There are, quite literally, too many to list for you in such a small space, but I will bring the most important ones to your attention.
Firstly, the whole currency issue. We might as well just stop here.
Seriously. If anyone ever whines to you about ‘freedom from Westminster’ or any rubbish to that effect, just say one word: ‘currency’, then turn and walk away. You shouldn’t be wasting your time with anyone who’s actually in favour of the SNP’s crackpot plans. Just to clarify, there are three options: keep the pound, turn to the euro, or make up our own currency. Now, the average punter on the street won’t understand why it matters what type of coin they use to buy their groceries with, but it is quite literally the difference between life and death for a country. In this case, all three of these options would lead to the death of an independent Scotland. If we keep the pound, Salmond’s plan A (which would never happen anyway because an agreement wouldn’t be come to) then all power over monetary policy will remain with the Bank of England. This means they set interest rates. They control the price of money. They determine how much you have to pay back when you take out a loan. They control how much money you spend. It begs the question, what the heck is the point? Also, the BOE would be making policy decisions for the UK. They are under no obligation to take into account the Scottish economy. The second option is to take the euro . . . could you be more stupid? That would set us on a course similar to that of Ireland or Greece. And as for making up our own currency, well, that would be similarly stupid because there would be no history, no confidence, loads of uncertainty, and so no investment.
Next, DEBT. Scotland would have to take on a portion of the UK’s debt. Just like in a divorce. This has been speculated as anywhere between 60% and 80% of the Scottish GDP. In layman’s terms, Salmond will have to spend so much he will have no choice but to raise income tax by 9% and VAT by at least 6%. This is madness. We do not have the necessary capital.
And there’s no point even mentioning ‘oil fund’ or comparing Scotland to Norway. They have been benefiting from their oil revenues for decades, and the boom was during the 70s and 80s, certainly not now with the current global prices. Plus, the actual amount of money needed to establish Salmond’s rubbish two-fund plan is so vast we would be drowning in a debt so outrageous it would see the ship sink to the bottom of the ocean.
And as for memberships? Scotland will not, and should not be allowed simply to stay in the EU, a new agreement would have to be negotiated. And it would not be a swift process, what would Turkey think of that? Also, we would have to take the euro, plus, we wouldn’t actually meet the debt to GDP ratio requirements, so that’s out the window. The transition costs alone would be just titanic. And can anyone actually say, with any shred of honesty or conviction, that salmon-faced Salmond is even remotely charismatic or inspiring? If people vote for this crackpot plan, he’ll be voted out so fast he won’t have time to scream ‘FREEDOM’.
If you’re somehow still under the stupid impression that independence will work, then you urgently need to see a doctor. Because it’s bad news, I’m afraid . . .
You’re clinically insane.